New Beginning

I don’t know why, but I suddenly had the impetus to read through my blog again, after having stopped for close to a year. Neither did I expect myself to feel like blogging again. Perhaps I tend to become more emotional during Christmas.

I remember when I was younger; I ALWAYS looked forward to Christmas. On hindsight, it was probably due to a number of factors. School holidays, no homework, chalets, Hawaii, Busan, presents, and Christmas cards are just some of the link-words when I think of Christmas. But slowly, so very slowly, Christmas became nothing more than just another holiday in the calendar year. Perhaps it’s part of growing up that you tend to lose hold of the little little things you used to treasure in life. It’s a sad thought, but it is also a reality.

And speaking of Christmas cards, it suddenly struck me that for the first time in 12 years, I had no intention of writing any Christmas card to anyone. Why this is so, I can’t really explain. Perhaps I am just sick and tired of sending out so many cards every Christmas and only receiving a few in return. Or perhaps I am just lazy. Truth is, everyone is so inter-connected by technology nowadays that precious few still bother to painstakingly write their well-wishes on Christmas cards. Why not simply post a ‘MERRY X’MAS!’ on facebook? For me, writing Christmas cards is a tedious process, because I don’t write for the sake of writing. Every card written is a personal message to the recipient. It gets disheartening whenever I receive Christmas mass smses that are just forwarded to me from some unknown source. Where’s the sincerity? Seriously, if you do not have the time to put in the extra effort to make your well wishes personal, I would rather you save on that sms.

Alright, enough crapping about the festive season.

Looking back at the past year, so much has changed, and yet, nothing seems to be particularly different. I’m still working, albeit at a higher level of responsibility. And I have nothing much to complain about life, having a good boss and a rather enriching lifestyle. Dance classes, netball trainings, and meet-ups with friends helped to keep my schedule happily packed. I feel like I’ve become more open to new things, willing to accept new responsibilities and challenge myself. Hope this attitude carries on =)

Emotionally its been an uphill march. The ultimate blow came just before my commissioning -- just like it came before my convocation (sometimes I really wonder if she gets a kick out of tormenting me just before the most important events in my life). The few months that followed has been nothing short of hell, and step by painful step I crawled out of the emotional vortex that engulfed me. Even now the very mention of her name strikes a chord within, and with it comes a rush of mixed feelings that I cannot fathom. Suffice to say that I am coping well enough to be able to talk about her without really feeling awkward when asked by friends.

Yupz that’s all for now. Just had the urge to blog. Guess ultimately I still need somewhere for me to pen my thoughts down =)