I'm a sore loser
I hate losing.
Dunno why the sudden urge to blog about this now, but yea.
Looking back at my life so far, i dare say that even though i may not be the best in everything i do, I always strive to be one of the best. It applies to everything.
Since primary school, I had a niche for trying to learn from the best. If classmate A was gifted in math and science, I would make sure that I learn as much as I can from him/her so that i'll be on par with him/her. At the same time, I'll make sure at least ONE of my other subjects (Chinese, English) was better than him/her. I'm not sure whether it was due to my upbringing or it was genetically inbuilt in me, but this 'competitiveness' propelled me through the rest of my academic years, be it high school, junior college or even uni. I never truly believed that there was one guy who was smarter and than me in EVERYTHING.
This drive to win and be among the best extended to other areas as well. Games, dance, running, basketball, and even work. I was never content with ever being placed behind somebody in anything.
My love for sports, especially basketball, stems from the satisfaction of winning a close game. My close friends would know this. I derive no joy from winning a one-sided game, but i do get pissed if I lose even if the odds are clearly against me. And even though I may not show much emotion after I lose a game, deep down I'm fuming and swearing to myself that I'll win the next game.
Same goes for running. My parents often question me why I signed up for so many 10, 21, 42km runs. Besides seeing it as a great opportunity to test my physical and mental limits, I see it as a chance to outdo myself, to win my established beliefs in my body limits. I constantly set new target timings for myself. The sense of satisfaction and achievement derived from completing such runs are highly addictive and could never be comprehended by those who have yet to try.
In work, however, my way of thinking have changed. And here is where I start to bitch about work. In my first year, I strived hard. I took on loads of work and gave my all for every presentation, discussion, meeting, exercise planning, basically everything that I was involved in. However, when ranking came, I felt that I was not given what I thought I deserved.
Not giving up, I tried again for the 2nd year, putting myself under tremendous stress by taking up multiple taskings. The result turned out to be the same. Now I believe humans are all rational creatures. If hard work and good efforts are not being recognized and rewarded, the only rational choice is to stop trying so hard.
I was the only one from my workplace who passed the tough ROA course in the first sitting.
I have attended 3 courses with external agency A. In fact, I'm the only one in my workplace who have completed all 3 courses, with flying colours. Yet my request to be posted to agency A for my next tour have become.. as they term it, 'no sound no picture'. What's worse? there have been 2 trips to France and 2 trips to Sweden, and I'm being denied of both of them.
I've also been ousted from the lastest trip to SA, even though people from agency A specifically asked me to go.
So what's my rational choice of action now? simple.
I will perform to whatever level you have graded me. And for the one that the management has tried to groom, good luck to u all when he leaves the organisation next year.
Yes, I'm a sore loser, but who isnt?
Dunno why the sudden urge to blog about this now, but yea.
Looking back at my life so far, i dare say that even though i may not be the best in everything i do, I always strive to be one of the best. It applies to everything.
Since primary school, I had a niche for trying to learn from the best. If classmate A was gifted in math and science, I would make sure that I learn as much as I can from him/her so that i'll be on par with him/her. At the same time, I'll make sure at least ONE of my other subjects (Chinese, English) was better than him/her. I'm not sure whether it was due to my upbringing or it was genetically inbuilt in me, but this 'competitiveness' propelled me through the rest of my academic years, be it high school, junior college or even uni. I never truly believed that there was one guy who was smarter and than me in EVERYTHING.
This drive to win and be among the best extended to other areas as well. Games, dance, running, basketball, and even work. I was never content with ever being placed behind somebody in anything.
My love for sports, especially basketball, stems from the satisfaction of winning a close game. My close friends would know this. I derive no joy from winning a one-sided game, but i do get pissed if I lose even if the odds are clearly against me. And even though I may not show much emotion after I lose a game, deep down I'm fuming and swearing to myself that I'll win the next game.
Same goes for running. My parents often question me why I signed up for so many 10, 21, 42km runs. Besides seeing it as a great opportunity to test my physical and mental limits, I see it as a chance to outdo myself, to win my established beliefs in my body limits. I constantly set new target timings for myself. The sense of satisfaction and achievement derived from completing such runs are highly addictive and could never be comprehended by those who have yet to try.
In work, however, my way of thinking have changed. And here is where I start to bitch about work. In my first year, I strived hard. I took on loads of work and gave my all for every presentation, discussion, meeting, exercise planning, basically everything that I was involved in. However, when ranking came, I felt that I was not given what I thought I deserved.
Not giving up, I tried again for the 2nd year, putting myself under tremendous stress by taking up multiple taskings. The result turned out to be the same. Now I believe humans are all rational creatures. If hard work and good efforts are not being recognized and rewarded, the only rational choice is to stop trying so hard.
I was the only one from my workplace who passed the tough ROA course in the first sitting.
I have attended 3 courses with external agency A. In fact, I'm the only one in my workplace who have completed all 3 courses, with flying colours. Yet my request to be posted to agency A for my next tour have become.. as they term it, 'no sound no picture'. What's worse? there have been 2 trips to France and 2 trips to Sweden, and I'm being denied of both of them.
I've also been ousted from the lastest trip to SA, even though people from agency A specifically asked me to go.
So what's my rational choice of action now? simple.
I will perform to whatever level you have graded me. And for the one that the management has tried to groom, good luck to u all when he leaves the organisation next year.
Yes, I'm a sore loser, but who isnt?
posted by xiong at
6:11 PM
1 Comments:
Hi bro,
It is still weird how we are communicating via this channel but still, it's better than not talking at all.
I am a sore loser too. But instead of competing, I chose to turn the other way and convinced myself it doesn’t matter. It is a character flaw which I am glad that you lack. In some ways, we have similar problems but vastly different approaches.
Have you ever considered that it is not how hard you have to work, but how hard you have to please those who call the shots? How well do you know your superiors? Do you joke around with them? Do you join them for drinks, make small talks and generally suck up to them in one way or the other? Yes, it is hypocrisy, and it drives the world around. If you decide to leave the force and venture into the private sector someday, bear this in mind. To be honest, it requires certain moral sacrifices, so you will need to decide whether it is worth your while.
When I took up the translation job after returning from Thailand, I was very disappointed with the salary offered (SGD1,500, in case you are wondering), until Bear gave me this advice: “Give it your best anyway so that they’ll realise they’ll never be able to pay you enough.” This advice has served me well and I hope it will do the same for you.
Chop
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